A day in the life of Bobby Clarke

[AlphaDog]

I'm never going to let this one die :y16: It's old but another thread just reminded me of it...

[Note: this was written during the big fallout between Eric Lindros and Bobby Clarke when Eric left the Flyers. ]

A Day In The Life Of Bob Clarke
By: Ian Dudgeon & John Dobson
7:00- Wake up. Check cave for food.
7:15- No food in cave. Lindros must have eat food. Lindros bad. Blame Lindros.
7:25- Fight dog for dentures.
7:45- Leave for work.
8:00- Traffic jam on expressway. Lindros must be at fault. Lindros bad. Blame Lindros.
8:15- Arrive at office.
8:20- Secretly check height on line penciled behind office door. See if Clarke be bigger. Big good.
8:21- Clarke no bigger. Blame Lindros. Eat Wheaties to get bigger.
8:25- Bang head on open cupboard putting away cereal. Lindros must be responsible. Blame Lindros.
8:45- Crank call Mike Smith, call him pinko commie bastard. Russian bad.
8:46- Feel proud of being the last bastion of defense against the ongoing Red Scare. Russian bad.
9:00- See clip of self on Sportscenter. Clarke on TV good. Clarke like. Clarke schedule news conference for l0:00 in AM.
9:15- Call Snider, remind Snider of incriminating photos. Secure job for another day.
9:30- Go to hidden vault and make sure photos still safe.
9:31- Forget combo. Blame Lindros.
9:32- Go back to desk to get combo out of drawer.
9:35- Forget why go desk. Blame Lindros.
9:40- Recheck height against pencil mark. See if Wheaties worked.
9:41- Still no bigger. Lindros must be moving mark up. Clarke be big. Blame Lindros.
9:50- Realize have press conference in 10 minutes, need to come up with something so Clarke can see face on TV.
9:51- Call secretary to get coach ASAP. Forget coach name. Too many too fast.
9:55- Fire coach.
10:00- Have press conference. Say fire coach. Blame Lindros.
10:20- Promote assistant coach.
10:30- Read scouting report.
10:31- See Zdena Chara's name. Run around office in circles whooping like a chimpanzee when Clarke see height/weight.
10:35- Call Mike Milbury. Call him pinko commie bastard.
10:40- Glout over being last bastion of defense against Red Scare. Russian bad.
10:41- Realize was wrong Mike.
10:42- Call Mike Milbury.
10:43- Tell Milbury Lindros now impersonate Clarke. Say bad thing. Lindros bad. Blame Lindros.
10:45- Demand Chara be Flyer. Chara big. Big good.
10:50- Mike Milbury ask for Gagne. Clarke need think.
10:51- Head start to hurt.
10:52- Milbury say give Cairns as well for a 1st.
10:53- Clarke stop thinking. Too much hurt. Ask Milbury how big Cairns.
10:55- Run around in circles making chimpanzee noises when Milbury answer. Cairns big. Big good.
10:56- Realize on speaker phone. Say Lindros broke into office, make bad noise. Blame Lindros. Lindros bad.
11:00- Smile smugly for robbing Mike Milbury of Chara and Cairns for Gagne and 1st. Flyers get 290 pounds bigger. Big good.
11:05- Tell secretary to schedule press conference for after lunch.
11:06- Clap hands and jump up and down when realize get to be on TV again.
11:10- Go to lunch.
11:15- Order steak dinner. Waiter say salad included.
11:20- Waiter calls Clarke Russian.
11:21- Break Waiter's ankle.
11:22- Realizes Waiter no call Clarke Russian, Waiter ask if Clarke he want Russian dressing.
11:23- Tell Waiter not Clarke's fault. Clarke can't be to blame. Was Lindros. Lindros bad. Blame Lindros.
11:25- Clarke get steak. Realize got wrong teeth in, wearing the fangs (obligatory Simpsons reference).
11:26- Send steak back. Ask for Wheaties. No need teeth eat Wheaties. Wheaties make Clarke big. Big good.
12:00- Go back office.
12:05- Check height on pencil mark. Clarke still no bigger. Blame Lindros.
12:15- Have press conference. Remind world Lindros bad.
12:30- Smile smugly in office.
12:31- Realize forgot announce trade. Schedule press conference for 4:00.
12:45- Get out blankie for nap time. Can't sleep from insomnia. Blame Lindros. Lindros bad.
1:30- Finally fall asleep. Dream of breaking Lindros ankle. Hurt Lindros. Hurt good.
3:55- Wake up. Remember something to do. Can't remember. Blame Lindros for stealing brain. Lindros Bad.
4:30- Secretary calls. Says Clarke miss press conference. Fire secretary. Fire new coach too. Call Ron Hextall to be new coach. Hextall break ankles too. Hextall good.
4:45- Call secretary to schedule press conference for 6:00 to announce new coach. Secretary no answer. Must be Lindros again. Lindros steal secretary. Lindros bad.
5:00- Clarke hungry. Clarke go to diner and order pizza. Still wrong teeth.
5:45- Send pizza back. Waiter say too late to send back. Clarke kick waiter in shins.
5:47- Order oatmeal. Spill bowl on lap. Blame Lindros for greasing bowl. Lindros lie. Lindros bad.
5:59- Remember press conference. Run back to office. Trip on dog leash on sidewalk. Kick dog. Blame Lindros for dog.
6:00- Pick up phone in office. Nobody there except some guy humming.
6:20- Guy humming won't stop. Must be Lindros on line. Tell him I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. Stomp feet.
6:25- Call secretary to fix phone. Secretary no there. Remember that Lindros steal secretary. Lindros Bad.
6:30- Give up on press conference. Call Keith Jones wife to send condolences. Keith Jones wife say Keith Jones not dead. Keith Jones retire. Clarke confuse. Clarke remember Keith is Lindros friend. Stomp feet.
6:45- Remember still have to pay Keith Jones even though Keith Jones no play. Call Pat Quinn to trade Jones for Cory Cross. Cross BIG. Big good.
6:55-Quinn laugh at Clarke for trade offer. Clark stomp feet. Quinn say Justin Williams for Cross. Clark think. Williams not big. Small bad. Cross big - big good. Clark say yes but want to trade Boucher too. Quinn say yes. Clark smile. Get big Cross for small Williams and Boucher. Clarke win trade. Smile
7:30-Crank call Smith again. Call him Commie Puke. Realize wrong number. Called Konstantinov instead.
7:45-Get call from Yzerman. Yzerman say he hear about call to Konstantinov. RedWing team coming to talk to Clarke about it. Clarke say "Ok, but no commie pukes can come in". Yzerman hang up phone.
7:55-Clarke worry. Call Flyer team to come over just in case. All Flyer but McCallister hang up phone. McCallister say he coming. Big player come. Big player beat up all RedWing. Big Good.
8:30- Knock on door. Open door. RedWings with sticks at door. See commie puke Fedorov. Close door.
8:31 - Knock again. Must be pizza man. Open door. RedWings still there. Where McCallister? Forgot to give McCallister directions. Oops.
8:35 - RedWings want to hurt Clarke. Clarke get stick. Break all their ankles. RedWings run away. Wings bad. Why Wings want to hurt Clarke? Must be Lindros tell them to. Lindros bad.
9:45 - Gary Bettman call. Ask what happened with RedWings. Clarke say Lindros send them. Lindros Bad. Gary say Clarke in trouble. Clarke laugh and call Gary a treasure troll. Gary say Clarke in bigger trouble. Clarke hang up phone. Clarke smart.
10:00- Clarke wonder why Gary call. Must be Lindros saying bad things. Lindros bad.
10:05 - Crank call Lindros family house. Bonnie pick up phone. Clarke fart into phone, laugh hysterically and hang up. Clarke funny.
10:10 - Clarke tired. Go to bed. Can't sleep. Blame Lindros. Lindros bad. Think about trades Clarke made today. Team get bigger. Big good. Think about firing Hextall.
10:15 - Remember to call Buffalo to see if they want to trade Gratton. Get Gratton again. Maybe Renberg too.
10:20 - Get out Lindros Voodoo doll to help sleep.
10:21 - Forgot take out teeth. Still have fangs in. Bite Lindros doll with fangs.
10:25 - Fall asleep dreaming of Lindros getting hurt. Laugh in sleep. Lindros bad.

[IceDogs5]

Ha! I've never seen that. Made for a good laugh - thanks for posting!

[AlphaDog]

hehe... I love the opening: "Wake up, check cave for food."

[WellandDogsFan]

Did you see what Clarke said about Downie hitting Blake?

[AlphaDog]

Did you see what Clarke said about Downie hitting Blake?

There was something about it before the game that's on right now, but I didn't catch it all.

But apparently BLAKE said DOWNIE should be suspended for the entire year or for life.

C'mon Blake, don't be a baby. :y11: It was a cheapshot but not worthy of suspension. Downie's rep will take the crap it deserves for it.

[WellandDogsFan]

From TSN.ca

More fuel was thrown on the fire regarding Steve Downie (http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/player_bio.asp?player_id=5180)'s sucker punch Wednesday, with Philadelphia Flyers Senior Vice President Bob Clarke holding the gas can.
Clarke, who selected Downie 29th overall in the 2005 Entry Draft, told TSN's Off The Record that he enjoyed watching the rookie forward go after Toronto Maple Leafs winger Jason Blake (http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/player_bio.asp?player_id=1859) on Saturday.
"When he went after Blake, I loved it," Clarke told TSN.
Playing in just his fourth NHL game since serving a 20-game suspension for a pre-season hit on Ottawa's Dean McAmmond (http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/player_bio.asp?player_id=1338), Downie punched Blake in the face while the Leafs' winger was being held by an official.
Related Info


No suspension for Downie after punch (http://www.tsn.ca/news_story.asp?id=226678)<LI class=video>Talking Cheap Shots (javascript:playClip(25986)) <LI class=video>Suspension Or Fine? (javascript:playClip(25998))
Up Front with Bob Clarke (javascript:playClip(26103))
For Clarke, the rationale for Downie's actions was totally justified.


"Blake was a guy who had no problem going out and saying (Downie) should be suspended for life or suspended for the year," he explained, referring to Blake's reaction last September to the McAmmond incident. "When you say something that stupid, why shouldn't this kid go after him for it?"
The punch left a large welt under Blake's left eye but there was no structural damage. Downie was fined by league disciplinarian Colin Campbell for the incident, but did not receive a suspension.
"The kid did what every hockey player should do," added the former Broad Street Bully. "If a player like Blake who's been around as long as he has wants to criticize a player then he has to go on the ice with him and suffer the consequences."
Clarke, who is no stranger to rough play from his glory days with the team in the 1970s, also defended Downie's hit on McAmmond last fall.
"My own personal feelings is that Colin Campbell overreacted," he said regarding the 20-game suspension.
"The hit that Downie threw on McAmmond was not a whole lot different than the hits we all admired, including myself - that Scott Stevens (http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/player_bio.asp?player_id=258) used to do on open ice. He hit lots of heads and hurt lots of people and we said it was great. What Downie did was, it looked like Colin Campbell took it personally, (thinking) 'I told these players they couldn't do that and he did so I'm going to get him.' To suspend him for 20 games is ridiculous. McAmmond was a veteran player who was skating and watching his pass and got nailed. Sorry for it, too bad he got hurt but it was his own fault as much as it was Downie's."

[AlphaDog]

Hehe, I agree with pretty much everything said. That original Downie hit on McAmmond - McAmmond was asking for it with his head down skating with the puck like that. Same as with Blake - Blake made a comment on a play that HAD NOTHING to do with him yet he wanted to get involved in it by making a statement about it publicly, so obviously Downie is going to know who's taking media cheap shots at him and remember that.

SO I totally agree that Blake should either start expecting retaliation, or he should just keep his mouth shut about stuff like that in the future. Players that chirp about other players have to realize they're going to be on the ice against them sometime, and it might not be a walk in the park when the two meet.

[RioBravo]

Whatever, Clarkes a joke.

[WellandDogsFan]

Whatever, Clarkes a joke.
RB, Clarke is oldschool... he played the game with a passion that many of todays player lack.

[strohs]

The leafs are a joke.

The Toronto media is all up in arms about every flyer 'dirty hit', and suspension, however, when Pavel Kubina hits a guy from behind, on saturday night, against the Flyers, the Toronto media says nothing about it, he doesn't even get a penalty on the play, and obviously no suspension. So basically, if you are on "Canada's team", you get a free pass, apparently. What a joke.

I love the fact that the Leafs are languishing this year like the Flyers did last year. The Leafs also have an aging swedish superstar in Mats Sundin, which they could get a boatload of players back in return for, if JFJ ever woke up and smelled the coffee.

I'd love to see the Leafs turn around their pathetic franchise like Homer has done for the Flyers......come on JFJ, show us what you've got, LMFAO

I'd love to see a day in the life of JFJ...something like this.

10:00am - wake up, trade another highly touted prospect and or draft picks for another washed up goalie.
11:00am - exclaim to the media that due to the salary cap, the Leafs cannot rebuild.

LOL
What a team, what a GM.

[AlphaDog]

RB, Clarke is oldschool... he played the game with a passion that many of todays player lack.

I like Clarke. WELL, I should say I like his approach to the game/business. Any Leaf fan should hate him of course.

But yah, he's opinionated, he's not politically correct, and he's passionate. If all guys in the business were like that it would be a hellova lot more exciting.

[AlphaDog]

The leafs are a joke.

The Toronto media is all up in arms about every flyer 'dirty hit', and suspension, however, when Pavel Kubina hits a guy from behind, on saturday night, against the Flyers, the Toronto media says nothing about it, he doesn't even get a penalty on the play, and obviously no suspension. So basically, if you are on "Canada's team", you get a free pass, apparently. What a joke.

I love the fact that the Leafs are languishing this year like the Flyers did last year. The Leafs also have an aging swedish superstar in Mats Sundin, which they could get a boatload of players back in return for, if JFJ ever woke up and smelled the coffee.

I'd love to see the Leafs turn around their pathetic franchise like Homer has done for the Flyers......come on JFJ, show us what you've got, LMFAO

I'd love to see a day in the life of JFJ...something like this.

10:00am - wake up, trade another highly touted prospect and or draft picks for another washed up goalie.
11:00am - exclaim to the media that due to the salary cap, the Leafs cannot rebuild.

LOL
What a team, what a GM.

Hey I'm a big Leafs fan and I don't disagree with any of that.

That's the problem when a team makes money no matter how it's run. There's no reason to run it any better. Ownership has no commitment to the fans who sign off their paychecks to get tickets and merchandise. And I blame the fans just as much for supporting a team that doesn't give a :9898: about them. LIke I said in an earlier post, Leaf fans are by far the dumbest fans in the world. Although in my own defence, I WILL say that I've followed them with a LOT LESS passion this year then in previous years. I just don't care about them as much anymore.

[strohs]

could be less passion too cuz the icedogs are here

I know I'm a huge flyers fan, and I'm not as passionate about them as I used to be, as the icedogs take up a lot of my time now...plus I go to so many icedog games, compared to like 1 flyer game per year (in buffalo, where they usually get smoked!)

[AlphaDog]

could be less passion too cuz the icedogs are here

I know I'm a huge flyers fan, and I'm not as passionate about them as I used to be, as the icedogs take up a lot of my time now...plus I go to so many icedog games, compared to like 1 flyer game per year (in buffalo, where they usually get smoked!)

OH definitely - if the Icedogs weren't here I'd have much more energy left to watch the Leafs continue their blunder. But having the change of cheering for a team that doesn't suck is a welcome change. Something I'm not used to, being a Leaf fan for so long. :biggrin: But the IceDogs are a huge reason why I've lost interest in the Leafs. That, and the fact the Leafs lost a lot of their 'character' players the last few years.

[RioBravo]

RB, Clarke is oldschool... he played the game with a passion that many of todays player lack.

Anything I've ever heard about him said he was one of the dirtiest players around. Hearing some of his comments and endorsing the style of play the Flyers have been doing this year disgusts me. Its only a matter of time before we have another Steve Moore incident.

[WellandDogsFan]

Anything I've ever heard about him said he was one of the dirtiest players around. Hearing some of his comments and endorsing the style of play the Flyers have been doing this year disgusts me. Its only a matter of time before we have another Steve Moore incident.
I have never liked the Flyers, in fact have pretty much loathed them. I imagine what you have heard of him and his style of play comes from Leafs fans.

It was a different time, a different game. You may not agree with how the game was played by certain individuals, but there was a code by which they played the game. There really isnt a code today, that is why there are "Steve Moore incidents". There is very little honor in todays game, in my opinion.

[habsfan]

I have never liked the Flyers, in fact have pretty much loathed them. I imagine what you have heard of him and his style of play comes from Leafs fans.

It was a different time, a different game. You may not agree with how the game was played by certain individuals, but there was a code by which they played the game. There really isnt a code today, that is why there are "Steve Moore incidents". There is very little honor in todays game, in my opinion.

Ditto about the Flyers, but even more appropriate is your reference to a code. I'll even take it a step further and talk about honour and respect. For various reasons I don't want to get into (helmets, facemasks, rock-hard equipment, whatever...), players have less and less respect for the each other. Not all players mind you, but too many. Sticks go up almost every check, elbows to the face, blind-sided hits, hits from behind, etc... I may sound like an oldtimer (which I guess I am since I have been playing oldtimer hockey for 3 years now), but I'm basing this from not only my personal observations but also from even older fella's I know who played the game at the highest level NHL. This may come across as Don Cherriesk, but that's the way I see it...

[strohs]

GO FLYERS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[leafs_fan77]

Whatever, Clarkes a joke.

I'd take Clarke as our GM anyday!

[RioBravo]

I'd take Clarke as our GM anyday!

I'd take a Pineapple over our current GM.

[AlphaDog]

I'd take a Pineapple over our current GM.

Actually if you fired Ferguson, took a nice ripe DelMonte pineapple and placed it on the GM's desk during work hours, I really couldn't see the team being run any worse.

[WellandDogsFan]

I was watching SportsNet at noon. Lindros was on. He said that the most important thing to do is to bring respect back to the game. Say what you will about him, the big E hit the nail on the head with that statement.

[AlphaDog]

I was watching SportsNet at noon. Lindros was on. He said that the most important thing to do is to bring respect back to the game. Say what you will about him, the big E hit the nail on the head with that statement.

I never minded Lindros at all. He's always been one of my favorite plays, even when he was on (cough) Philadelphia.

I think the NHL needs to THROW OUT their rulebook, bring back the rulebook from the 1980's, then make every player sit down and watch "The Rocket". Get the true hockey passion back into the players.

And if they're going to keep the cap, tell owners they have to also cap their ticket prices. If they want to make more money through tickets, they have to do so by shear ticket volume (ie: build big rinks).

Make helmets optional again. Players think they can do anything to each other because the guy's helmet will protect him from everything. False sense of security.

Get rid of the instigator rule. It will keep 5'10" 190lb players from acting like they're 6'5" 240lbs.

Players can get away with so much crap because they're protected by that rule, that they don't HAVE to have any respect for anybody. The entire league is an embarassment when you've got a guy on your roster who's sole purpose is to "get under the skin" of the other team and drive them crazy. Instigator rule protects those players, so once in a while someone snaps and you have a McSorely or Bertuzzi incident.

It's simple to do - pick a year that hockey was fun for the fans and use that rulebook :wink2:

Geez, the last few days I've been spewing forth opinions left right and center. All I need now is my own TV show between 1st/2nd period of Leaf games on Saturday night.